I don’t know if you’re privy to this information, but there are a rudimentary set of rules governed by the fairies of wellness. Oh, I’m sure there are exceptions, anomalies, and occasional breaking of said rules, as with all regulations, but generally speaking, my body obeys these rules of wellness. You’re probably looking for a defined list of this esteemed and rigorous policy on well-being? They are as follows:
1. 1. While you may wake up sick, with a fever, explosive coughing, and enough phlegm to construct the Ghostbusters gooey blob, the moment you set foot in a doctor’s office, said symptoms shall promptly disappear. You will spend the next few hours trying to convince the doctor [and yourself] that you had justifiable cause for coming to see them. I swear doc, I really was sick this morning.
2. 2. During times of complete stress, when you have absolutely no PTO available, a huge project due, and it’s finals week, you will, of course, become incredibly ill.
3. 3. In the 6 month period of planning a major vacation, you will not experience even a sniffle. However, once you leave for your anticipated honeymoon/vacation-of-a-lifetime you will immediately get sick.
4. 4. The above mentioned rules also apply for children, immediate family members, and spouses. Let’s not forget the man cold people.
5. 5. And, finally (this one is very true for me), any mention of illness out loud will result in relief of symptoms. Example, I think I’m getting a cold. (Next day) Nevermind. Unless, of course, you’re about to start a vacation or period when it wouldn’t be entirely inconvenient to be sick.
That being said
I THINK I AM GETTING A COLD. YOU HEAR THAT MAGICAL FAIRIES OF WELLNESS? A COLD.